英语幽默故事比赛英语作文（精品20篇）

A brave 9-year-old is recovering in hospital after he wrestled a 9-foot, 400lb alligator off him with his bare hands - and he now plans to make a necklace from a tooth doctors found embedded in a wound on his back.

佛罗里达州一名9岁的小男孩，在湖中游泳时，遭到一条长9英尺(约2.7米长)、重400磅(约180多公斤)的短吻鳄袭击，赤手与其搏斗之后，小男孩身上多处受伤，目前正在医院治疗中。医生从他背部的伤口里取出一颗短吻鳄的牙齿，小男孩表示想把它做成项链。

James Barney Jr, spoke calmly and eloquently about his ordeal from hospital, where he was tucked up in bed with a teddy bear by his side. He was covered in some 30 teeth marks, doctors said.

小男孩名叫小詹姆斯·巴尼，他在医院里平静、生动地讲述了自己与短吻鳄搏斗的经历，在他床边还放有一只泰迪熊。医生说，小詹姆斯全身有30多处牙印。

The little boy described how it was a hot day so he had parked his bike and jumped into Lake Tohopekaliga - a lake that people are forbidden to swim in - when he felt something brush against his leg.

小詹姆斯说那天特别热，于是他就把自行车停在一旁自己跳进了托霍普卡莱加湖，这个湖是禁止人们在里面游泳的，刚一进去他就感觉有东西擦到他的腿了。

It really amazed me what happened. At first, I thought someone was just playing with me, and I didnt know what happened, he told ABC.

“后来发生的事情真的让我大吃一惊。但开始的时候，我以为是有人在跟我闹着玩，我并不知道发生了什么事情。”他告诉广播公司(ABC)的记者。

I reached down to grab it, and I felt its jaw, I felt its teeth, and I didnt know what to do, so I immediately reacted and hit it a couple times. And I had enough strength to pry its jaw open. The child pulled the powerful jaws open long enough to slide out and swim to shore.

“我潜入水中抓住了它，摸到了它的下巴，摸到了它的牙齿，可不知道该怎么做，不过我立刻就反应过来了赶紧猛打了它几下，并使劲撑开了它的嘴巴。”小詹姆斯把它的嘴巴撑得足够大后赶紧退后并向岸边游去。

Witnesses say the boy surfaced, screaming that hed been bitten by an alligator. They immediately called 911.

目击者称小男孩浮出水面后尖叫着说自己被一只短吻鳄咬到了。于是他们立刻拨打911报警。

阿峰所在的公司新来了一位女同事李曼，有回阿峰路过李总的办公室，听到李曼喊李总“爸”，心想，难道她是李总的女儿？李总定是想把女儿放到基层锻炼，将来好接班。如果自己能把李总的女儿追到手，岂不就能走上人生巅峰了？于是，阿峰主动接近李曼，在工作上提供帮助。李曼也是一个热情开朗的人，两人很快成了朋友。

有次两人在聊天，阿峰正忙着逗李曼开心，李总过来了，脸色很不好看，还把阿峰叫进办公室，训道：“上班时间别瞎聊天，把心思都用在工作上，不要想些乱七八糟的，明白吗？”阿峰只得连连点头。

虽然被训了一顿，阿峰还是不死心，不尝试怎么知道不可能呢？这天，阿峰加班到很晚，公司只剩下他和李曼两个人。阿峰鼓起勇气，说：“李曼，等会儿我们一起去看电影，好吗？”李曼显得很吃惊，有些口吃地说：“不、不行。”

阿峰诚恳地说：“李曼，我是认真的，我能感觉到，你对我也有好感。给我一个机会，好吗？”

李曼搖摇头，说：“我想你误会了，我对你没有那个意思。”说完，她急匆匆地离开了。

阿峰有些沮丧，心想自己还是太心急了，他不愿意放弃，打算明天去给李曼道个歉，两人继续做朋友，等时机合适了再说。

没想到，第二天阿峰一到公司，就得知自己被辞退了。阿峰大吃一惊，想找李总要个说法，同事们拦住他，说：“想知道你为什么被辞退吗？”阿峰点点头。“勾引老总的儿媳妇。”同事们幸灾乐祸地说。

阿峰愣住了，李曼喊李总“爸”，那是喊自己的公公呢。

二（6）班宋彦瑾

今天下午，我们早早地来到学校里，因为要举行讲故事比赛。这次我们班有三个同学参加比赛。我激动极了，真想听听大家讲的都是什么有趣的故事！

到了六楼的比赛大厅，我们按顺序坐好，等待着比赛开始。比赛快要开始了，大家都紧张得不会呼吸了，整个大厅里鸦雀无声。

轮到我们的同学丁星妤上台了。丁星妤化了浓浓的妆，橘红色的眼影，造型都快让我认不出她了。但是她一脸镇定，丝毫没有紧张，我真佩服她呀！她给我们讲了一个《驼背小龙虾》。她一开口讲，我就被深深地迷住了。随着她绘声绘色的讲述，我的眼前浮现出了一只活灵活现的小龙虾，它有灵活的八条腿，整天喜欢嘲笑别人。有一次它遇见了一只大海螺，整天嘲笑大海螺，终于受到了很大的教训，变成了一只驼背小龙虾。我看了看旁边的同学，大家都听得入迷了，都痴痴地看着她。

她讲述得太精彩了！她一定会赢的！

过了一会儿，比赛终于结束了。我的屁股都坐痛了，但是我觉得屁股痛还是值得的，我听了这么多有趣的故事！

2019年5月6日星期一晴

Tina is a lovely girl. She has a lot of dolls. One of these dolls is very beautiful. She has long blond hair and wears a white dress. The little girl likes her very much. She called her “Sandy”. You would forget all the sad things and become happy when you see her.

Tina tried to teach Sandy to speak, but she failed. When she is free, Tina always made clothed for her. When she is unhappy or met with some difficulties, Tina talked to her, because they are close friends. What a lovely girl she is!

Do you like it, too?

漂亮的洋娃娃

缇娜是一个可爱的女孩， 她有许多洋娃娃。其中有个是很没得：她有着金色的长发，穿着一件白色的连衣裙。小女孩非常喜欢它，因此， 小女孩叫她“桑迪”。当你看到它的时候就会高兴，会忘记所有不开心的事。

缇娜试着教桑迪说话，可她失败了。 当缇娜空闲时，她时常会桑迪缝衣服。当她遇到不快乐的事或碰倒困难的时候，缇娜中哦你对它倾述，因为他们是亲密的朋友。多么可爱的一个女孩啊!

你也喜欢它吗?

林肯是美国历任总统中最具幽默感的一位。

早在读书时，有一次考试，老师问他：“你愿意答一道难题，还是两道容易的题目?”林肯很有把握地答：“答一道难题吧。”“那你回答，鸡蛋是怎么来的?”“鸡生的。”老师又问：“那鸡又是从哪里来的呢?”“老师，这已经是第二道题了。”林肯微笑着说。

一次，林肯步行到城里去。一辆汽车从他身后开来时，他扬手让车停下来，对司机说：“能不能替我把这件大衣捎到城里去?”“当然可以，”司机说，“可我怎样将大衣交还给你呢?”林肯回答说：“哦，这很简单，我打算裹在大衣里头。”司机被他的幽默所折服，笑着让他上了车。

林肯当过律师。有一次出庭，对方律师把一个简单的论据翻来覆去地陈述了两个多小时，讲得听众都不耐烦了。好不容易才轮到林肯上台替被告辩护，他走上讲台，先把外衣脱下放在桌上，然后拿起玻璃杯喝了两口水，接着重新穿上外衣，然后再脱下外衣放在桌上，又再喝水，再穿衣，这样反反复复了五六次，法庭上的听众笑得前俯后仰。林肯一言不发，在笑声过后才开始他的辩护演说。

林肯的脸较长，不好看。一次，他和斯蒂芬·道格拉斯辩论，道格拉斯讥讽他是两面派。林肯答道：“要是我有另一副面孔的话，我还会戴这副难看的面孔吗?”

有一次，林肯在擦自己的皮鞋，一个外国外交官向他走来说：“总统先生，您竟擦自己的皮鞋?”“是的，”林肯诧异地反问，“难道你擦别人的皮鞋?”

有人认为林肯对待政敌的态度不够强硬，对他说：“你为什么要让他们成为朋友呢?你应该想办法消灭他们才对。”“我难道不是在消灭政敌吗?当我使他们成为我的朋友时，政敌就不存在了。”林肯温和地说。

又有一次，一个妇人来找林肯，她理直气壮地说：“总统先生，你一定要给我儿子一个上校的职位。我们应该有这样的权利，因为我的祖父曾参加过雷新顿战役，我的叔父在布拉敦斯堡是惟一没有逃跑的人，而我的父亲又参加过纳奥林斯之战，我丈夫是在曼特莱战死的，所以……”林肯回答说：“夫人，你们一家三代为国服务，对国家的贡献实在够多了，我深表敬意。现在你能不能给别人一个为国效命的机会?”那妇人无话可说，只好悄悄走了。

乡村真美。此时正值夏季，田里的小麦都呈现金黄色而燕麦依然青绿。干草被堆放在低洼的草地上，广阔的树林围绕着

田野和草地，树林的中央有多处深邃的湖泊，在阳光最充足的地方矗立着一栋老旧的大宅邸。这栋宅邸被一条深长的壕沟所包围，茂盛的

叶子从这栋房子干部上的藤蔓往下长，延伸到河水的边缘。其中有一些叶子很大，小孩子可以拿它们来当雨伞。

在森林的深处有一只母鸭子坐在她的巢中，她的小鸭子们即将孵出来。

终于蛋一个接一个地开始裂了。 “吱，吱！”小鸭们叫着。“呱，呱！”母鸭回道。“这个世界好大啊！”小鸭子异口同声道。

The countryside was lovely. It was summer. The wheat was golden and the oats were still

green. The hay was stacked in the low-lying meadows. There lay great woods around the fields and meadows.

There were deep lakes in the midst of the woods. In the sunniest spot stood an old mansion surrounded by a deep moat.

Great leaves grew from the vines on the walls of the house right down to the waters edge.

Some of the leaves were so big that a child could use them as an umbrella.

In the depths of a forest a duck was sitting in her nest. Her little ducklings were about to be hatched.

At last one egg after another began to crack." Cheep, cheep!" the ducklings said." Quack, quack!" said the duck.

" How big the world is!" said all the young ones.

但最大的蛋依旧在那儿，于是她又再坐回她的巢中。

一只年长的鸭子过来拜访她说：“喂！你近来可好吗？”坐着的母鸭回答说：“这枚蛋花了很长的时间，

壳偏偏还不裂开，不过其他的小鸭都是最完美的鸭子，他们很像他们的爸爸。”

年长的鸭子说：“让我看看那枚不会裂开的蛋，你或许是坐在一枚火鸡的蛋上！我曾经像那样被骗过一次。不错，那是火鸡的蛋！

你最好不要管它，去教其它的小鸭游泳吧。”

“我要再多坐一会儿。”

But the biggest egg was still there. And then she settled herself on the nest again.

"Well, how are you getting on?" said an old duck who came to pay her a visit." This egg is taking such a long time," answered the sitting duck."

The shell will not crack, but the others are the finest ducklings. They are like their father."

"let me look at the egg which wont crack," said the old duck." You may be sitting on a turkeys egg!

I have been cheated like that once. Yes. its a turkeys egg!

You had better leave it alone and teach the other children to swim."

"I will sit on it a little longer."

终于这枚巨蛋裂开了。这小子可真是又大又丑！她说：“那是一只非常巨大的鸭子，其他的小鸭没有一只看起来像他一样。

他会是火鸡的孩子吗？我会尽快查清楚，我将叫他下水去。”

隔天这只母鸭带着她的一家人走到壕沟。

她跳入水中，“呱，呱，”她说，小鸭们一只接一只地跳进河里。

这只又大又丑的鸭子跟着他们一起游来游去，她说：“不是的，那不是火鸡。呱，呱！现在跟我来，我将带你们去参观这个世界，

要一直靠近我并小心猫！”第一天过去了，一切都还顺利。

At last the big egg cracked. How big and ugly the baby was! " That is a very big duckling." she said,

" None of the others look like that. Can he be a turkeys chick?

I will soon find out. I will make him go into water."

The next day the mother duck with her family went down to the moat. She said, and one duckling jumped in after another.

The big ugly one swam about with them." No, that is no turkey," she said," Quack, quack! Now come with me

and I will take you into the world. Keep close to me all the time. Be careful of the cat!"

The first day passed, and everything was fine.

之后，事情愈来愈糟。这只可怜的小鸭被所有的小鸭追逐和骚扰，因为他长得很丑。大鸭们咬他，母鸡们啄他，

而喂食他们的女孩把他踢到旁边去。于是他离家出走，不久就来到一片野鸭住的广阔沼泽。

他双疲倦又痛苦，因此他整晚都在那里。

早上这群野鸭们飞来看他们的新朋友。这些野鸭说：“你长得非常丑，但那对我们来说无所谓。”他在那里整整待了两天，

然后有两只野雁飞过来。就在那个时候，他听到“砰！砰！”的声音，那两只野雁摔落在芦苇丛中死了。

对这只可怜的小鸭子来说，那是一项很可怕的冲击。

Afterwards, matters grew worse and worse. The poor duckling was chased and harassed by all the ducklings because he was very ugly.

The ducks bit him, the hens pecked him. and the girl who fed them kicked him aside. Then he ran off and soon came to a great marsh where the wild ducks lived.

He was so tired and miserable that he stayed there the whole night.

In the morning the wild ducks flew up to see their new friend." You are very ugly," said the wild ducks," but that does not matter to us."

He stayed there two whole days . And then two wild geese came.

Just at that moment the sound of "Bang! Bang!" was heard, and both the wild geese fell dead among the reeds.

It was a terrible shock to the poor duckling.

一只巨大的狗出现在他的身边，离他很近。这只狗露出锐利的牙齿，继续往前走，没有碰他。

这只小鸭叹息说：“哦，谢谢老天爷！我是这么丑，因此连狗都不会咬我！”

晚上他来到一间小屋。这间小屋住着一位老婆婆和她的猫及母鸡。她的视力不好，以为这只小鸭是一只肥鸭。

她说：“要是我有了鸭蛋，我就发财了，”因此她留这只小鸭住了3个星期，但他并没有下蛋。

这只猫是这间房子的主人，而这只母鸡是女主人。

A big dog appeared close beside him. He showed his sharp teeth and went on without touching him.

"Oh, thank Heaven! I am so ugly that even the dog wont bite me!"

sighed the duckling.

In the evening he reached a little cottage where an old woman lived with her cat and her hen.

Her eyesight was not good, and she thought the duckling was a fat duck.

"I will be rich if I have duck eggs," she said.

So she took in the duckling for three weeks, but he laid no eggs.The cat was the master of the house

and the hen was the mistress.

母鸡说：“你能不能下蛋呢？”

小鸭回答说：“不能。”

这只猫说：“那么你最好离开到外面广阔的世界去。”就这样这只小鸭离开了。

有一天晚上，太阳刚刚下山，此时有一群漂亮的大鸟从矮树丛飞出来。

小鸭心想：“我从来没有看过这么漂亮的东西。”

"Can you lay eggs?" asked the hen.

"No," answered the duckling.

"Then you had better go out into the wide world," said the cat. So away went the duckling.

One evening the sun was just setting when a flock of beautiful large birds appeared out of the bushes.

The duckling thought," Ive never seen anything so beautiful."

他们有长长的脖子，全身是令人眩目的白色。他们是天鹅，他并不知道这些鸟是什么鸟。

冬天非常地寒冷刺骨，因此这只小鸭在水中游来游去以免冻僵了。

太阳又开始温暖地照耀着，云雀在歌唱，美丽的春天已经来临了。突然这只小鸭举起他的翅膀， 而翅膀拍动的力气要比以前大，

不知不觉中，他发觉自己已置身在一座巨大的花园里，花园里的苹果树开满了花，紫丁香长长的枝桠垂挂在湖岸边。

就在他的面前，他看到三只美丽的白天鹅向他游过来。

They were dazzlingly white with long necks. They were swans.

He did not know what the birds were.

The winter was so bitterly cold that the duckling swam about in the water to keep himself from freezing.

The sun began to shine warmly again. The larks were singing and beautiful spring had come.

Then, all at once, the duckling raised his wings and they flapped with much greater strength than before.

Before he knew it, he found himself in a large garden where the apple trees were in

full blossom and long branches of lilacs overhung the shores of the lake.

Just in front of him he saw three beautiful white swans swimming towards him.

“我将朝他们飞去而他们将会把我劈成粉碎，因为我长得非常丑。

不过没有关系，我宁愿被他们杀死也不愿被那些鸭子咬或是被那些母鸡啄。”

因此他飞入水中朝这些天鹅游过去，他们看到他就向他冲过来。

“杀死我吧，噢，杀死我吧！”可怜的小鸭说着朝水中低头，等待死亡的来临。

但他在清澈的水中看到什么样了呢？

"I will fly to them and they will hack me to pieces because I am so ugly.

But it doesnt matter. I would rather be killed by them than be bitten by the ducks or pecked by the hens."

So he flew into the water and swam towards the swans. They saw him and darted towards him.

"Kill me! Oh, kill me!" said the poor duckling,

and he waited for his death bowing his head towards the water.

But what did he see in the clear water? He was no longer a dark gray ugly bird.

他不再是只黑灰丑陋的鸟，他竟然是一只天鹅！

有些小孩手拿玉米和面包来到这个花园，将这些东西投入水中。

个子最小的那个孩子兴高采烈地大叫：“有一只新来的天鹅。”其他的孩子大叫：

“对啊！来了一只新的。”

他对着自己说：“当我是那只丑小鸭的时候，我从来也没梦想过我能够这么快乐！”

He was himself a swan!

Some children came into the garden with corn and pieces of bread, which they threw into the water.

The smallest child shouted with joy," There is a new one."

The other children shouted, "Yes, a new one has come."

He said to himself,

" I never dreamed that I could be so happy when I was the ugly duckling!"

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown, For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren‘t enough to ruin my day, A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play. He stood right before me with his head tilted down And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight, With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light. Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side and placed the flower to his nose and declared with surprise, "It sure smells pretty and it‘s beautiful, too. That‘s why I picked it; here, it‘s for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead. Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand, He held it mid-air without reason or plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time, that weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun. As I thanked him for picking the very best one. "You‘re welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play, Unaware of the impact he‘d had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see a self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree. How did he know of my self-indulged plight? Perhaps from his heart, he‘d been blessed with true sight.

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see, the problem was not with the world; the problem was me. And for all of those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see beauty, and appreciate every second that‘s mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose And smiled as that young boy, another weed in his hand About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

二（6）班吴蔡量

今天下午，老师带着我们来到六楼阶梯教室听讲故事比赛。我们一共听了两个小时多，有十八个故事。

让我印象最深刻的故事是《灯孩儿》，只见我们班的谢林果穿着一条红裙子，像仙女一样走上舞台。她清脆悦耳的声音，好似百灵鸟的歌声一样优美。这个故事很感人，它留在了我的心中：灯孩儿看见一位老奶奶抱着一个孩子，就点亮一盏西瓜灯给孩子，孩子却哭得更厉害。原来那个孩子是瞎子。后来那孩子眼睛亮了，可灯孩儿不见了。

俗话说，台上一分钟，台下十年功。我想起自己在班里讲故事之前，我练习了很多次，而他们在台上能讲那么好，一定练习过成千上万次。我要给他们点赞。

2019年5月6日星期一晴

有一天，萧伯纳应邀参加了一个丰盛的晚宴。席间有一青年在大文豪面前滔滔不绝地吹嘘自己的天才，好像自己天南海北样样通晓，大有不可一世的气概。

起初，萧伯纳缄口不言，洗耳恭听。后来，愈听愈觉得不是滋味。最后，他终于忍不住了，便开口说道：“年轻的朋友，只要我们两人联合起来，世界上的事情就无一不晓了。”

那人惊愕地说：“未必如此吧！”

萧伯纳说：“怎么不是，你是这样地精通世界万物，不过，尚有一点欠缺，就是不知夸夸其谈会使丰盛的佳肴也变得淡而无味，而我刚好明了这一点，咱俩合起来，岂不是无一不晓了吗？”

苏格拉底是古希腊的一名哲学家，下面小编为大家带来了关于哲学家苏格拉底的幽默故事，欢迎大家阅读，希望能够帮助到大家。

苏格拉底是古希腊伟大的哲学家，哲学家当时是很崇高的职业，因此有很多年轻人来找苏格拉底学习。

一天，一个年轻人来了，想要学习哲学。苏格拉底一言不发，带着他走到一条河边，突然用力把他推到了河里。年轻人起先以为苏格拉底在跟他开玩笑，并不在意。结果苏格拉底也跳到水里，并且拼命地把他往水底按。这下子，年轻人真的慌了，求生的本能令他拼尽全力将苏格拉底掀开，爬到岸上。

年轻人不解地问苏格拉底为什么要这样做，苏格拉底回答道：“我只想告诉你，做什么事业都必须有绝处求生那么大的决心，才能获得真正的成就。”

当时有不少年轻人向他求教演讲艺术。一天，有个年轻人为了表现自己，滔滔不绝地向苏格拉底讲了许多话，于是，苏格拉底向他索取双倍的学费。那年轻人问：“为什么要我加倍交费呢？”

苏格拉底说：“因为我要教你两门功课：一门是教你怎样学会闭嘴，另一门才是怎样地演讲。”年轻人听了羞愧地低下了头。

苏格拉底与学生相处总是那么乐观和睦，所以有学生问他：“我从没见过你蹙额皱眉，你的心情为何总是那么好？”

苏洛拉底回答道：“因为我没有那种失去了它，就会使我感到遗憾的东西。”那么学生听了很受启发，生活就需要像老师那样拿得起，丢得开。

事实上，苏格拉底在生活中一直遇到麻烦，大至雅典的奴隶主当权者要严厉处置他，小到他的妻子经常要向他发脾气。

他的妻子是出名的泼妇。一次，苏格拉底正在待客，妻子为了一件小事大吵大闹起来，他却淡然置之，笑着道：“好大的雷霆啊！”谁知妻子越闹越凶，竟然当着客人的面，将半盆凉水泼到了苏格拉底身上。

客人很尴尬，以为苏格拉底一定会发火了，谁知苏格拉底却心平气和他说：“我知道，雷霆过后，必有大雨。”

经过这件事后，妻子很后悔，决心改掉自己的坏脾气。

后来，当奴隶主当权者不容苏格拉底的“异言邪说”传播，将他处以死刑时，引起了普通百姓的极大愤慨，临刑时，一个妇女哭喊着：“他们要杀害你了，可是你什么罪也没犯呀！”

苏格拉底回答说：“噢，傻大姐，难道你希望我犯罪，作为罪犯死去才值得吗？”

这位伟大的哲人到生命的最后一刻，居然还保持着轻松幽默的情趣。

今天，我们在老师的带领下在水木青华作文培训中心举行了一次超级有趣的讲故事比赛。

老师在黑板上写规则，规则如下：每人在五分钟之内讲一个故事，评出一等奖一名，二等奖两名，三等奖三名，鼓励奖若干名。

开始讲故事了。我是一号选手，所以我先讲。可是我还没准备好，我是硬着头皮上台了，我讲故事可不怎么样，我就像一个老旧的词带一样，讲一下卡住了，再讲又卡在那了。之后我们的“王”登场了，他讲故事可以一级棒，大家听得如痴如醉。之后明星登场啦！是三个“蚊子家族”的女生，听众压根都听不见一点声音。最后兄弟“鱼尾巴”闪亮登场，可是他要拿本子上场，这讲故事就变成了读故事了。最后“王”获得了第一名，“老词带”我获得了第二名，“蚊子家族”获得了第三名，“鱼尾巴”获得了鼓励奖。

讲故事比赛真是有趣极了！

有一个名叫吐的人，经营宰牛卖肉的生意，由于他聪明机灵，经营有方，因此生意做得还算红火。

一天，齐王派人找到吐，那人对吐说：“齐王准备了丰厚的嫁妆，打算把女儿嫁给你做妻子，这可是大好事呀！”

吐听了，并没有受宠 若惊，而是连连摆手说：“哎呀，不行啊。我身体有病，不能娶妻。”

那人很不理解地走了。

后来，吐的朋友知道了这件事，觉得奇怪，吐怎么这么傻呢？于是跑去劝吐说：“你这个人真傻，你一个卖肉的，整天在腥臭的宰牛铺里生活，为什么要拒绝齐王拿厚礼把女儿嫁给你呢？真不知你是怎么想的。”

吐笑着对朋友说：“齐王的女儿实在太丑了。”

吐的朋友摸头不知脑，问：“你见过齐王的女儿？你何以知道她丑呢？”

吐回答说：“我虽没见过齐王的女儿，可是我卖肉的经验告诉我，齐王的女儿是个丑女。”

朋友不服气地问：“何以见得？”

吐胸有成竹地回答说：“就说我卖牛肉吧，我的牛肉质量好的时候，只要给足数量，顾客拿着就走，我用不着加一点、找一点的，顾客感到满意，我呢，惟恐肉少了不够卖。我的牛肉质量不好的时候，我虽然给顾客再加一点这、找一点那，他们依然不要，牛肉怎么也卖不出去。现在齐王把女儿嫁给我一个宰牛卖肉的，还加上丰厚礼品财物，我想，他的女儿一定是很丑的了。”

吐的朋友觉得吐说得十分在理，便不再劝他了。

过了些时候，吐的朋友见到了齐王的女儿，齐王的女儿果然长得很难看。这位朋友不由得暗暗佩服吐的先见之明。

有些事情虽没什么直接的联系，但道理是相通的，如果吐不是以自己亲身的感受去举一反三地思考生活中的现象，那说不定就会要娶回一个自己不喜欢的丑妻了。

This is aWormwhose body is no less than one millimeter. It is called 熊虫(XC) perhaps forthe reason that it looks like a black bear under the microscop. The XC usuallyhabited in the slurry of fresh water, wet soil and the 水膜 of moss plants.Recently, there was an amazing news discovered by 日本冈山大学物理学家小野文久: when 20 littleXC were placed in a sealed container under the 7.5 万个大气压 making inexperiment condition, there were only two died and the other 18 have no troubleat all. 7.5 万个大气压, equal to over 700 kilogram stress per square meter, which is powerfulenough to它足以上淀粉瞬间变性 and the rice ready to eat.

A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home. But the pumpkin is too big. The panda cant take it home.

Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her. She watches the bike. "I know! I have a good idea." she jumps and shouts happily, "I can roll a pumpkin. Its like a wheel."

So she rolls the pumpkin to her home. When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, "Oh, my God! How can you carry it home?" the little panda answers proudly, "I cant lift it, but I can roll it." Her mother smiled and says, "What a clever girl! Use you heard to do something,"

聪明的熊猫

一只小熊猫摘了一只大南瓜，想把它拿回家。但是这只南瓜太大了，她没有办法把这么大的南瓜带回家。

突然她看见一只狗熊骑着一辆自行车朝她这边来。她看着自行车，跳着说：“有了!我有办法了。我可以把南瓜滚回家去。南瓜好像车轮。

于是她把那瓜滚回家。当她妈妈看到这只大南瓜的时候，很惊讶：“天啊!这么食的南瓜!你是怎么把它带回家来的?”小熊猫自豪地说;“我拎不动它，可是我能滚动它啊!”她妈妈微笑着说：“真聪明啊!记住：只要你肯动脑筋，没有难办的事。

很小的时候，妈妈手上拿着一张纸，不停地说：黑楼，黑楼，还有踢车。

我问：妈妈，什么是黑楼啊？

妈妈说：不是黑楼，是哈喽。

我以前不懂英语，后来上了幼儿园大班后才知道英语里的hello。在一年级的暑假里，我背过了英语A、B、C等26个字母。二年级时，听说下一年要学英语，我着急了，因为我不知道怎么学英语，后来上了才知道，没有我想象得那么难，英语老师也不凶，还很逗，有时她刚做完的事，转身就忘了。

有人不好好听课时，老师就叽里咕噜，叽里咕噜的，全是英语。

有一次英语课上，一个英语学得不太好的同学，在书上画小人，那个小人画得很好玩，结果被老师发现了。老师叽里咕噜一串英语数落他，逗得我们笑，那个同学摸着脑袋，听不懂老师说啥。

英语课是有趣的，让我懂得了那些美丽的单词。

1、一把坚实的大锁挂在大门上，一根铁杆费了九牛二虎之力，还是无法将它撬开。钥匙来了，他瘦小的身子钻进锁孔，只轻轻一转，大锁就“啪”地一声打开了。

--每个人的心，都像上了锁的大门，任你再粗的铁棒也撬不开。惟有关怀，才能把自己变成一把细腻的钥匙，进入别人的心中。

2、晚饭后，母亲和女儿一块儿洗碗盘，父亲和儿子在客厅看电视。突然，厨房里传来打破盘子的响声，然后一片沉寂。儿子望着他父亲，说道:“一定是妈妈打破的。”“你怎么知道?”“她没有骂人。”

--我们习惯以不同的标准来看人看己，以致往往是责人以严，待己以宽。

3、有两个台湾观光团到日本伊豆半岛旅游，路况很坏，到处都是坑洞。一位导游连声说路面简直像麻子一样。而另一个导游却诗意盎然地对游客说:“我们现在走的正是赫赫有名的伊豆迷人酒窝大道。”

--虽是同样的情况，然而不同的意念，就会产生不同的态度。思想是何等奇妙的事，如何去想，决定权在你。

4、同样是小学三年级的学生，他们将来的志愿同是当小丑。中国老师斥之为:“胸无大志，孺子不可教也!”外国老师则会说:“愿你把欢笑带给全世界!”

--身为长辈的我们，不但要求多于鼓励，更以狭窄界定了成功的定义。

5、妻子正在厨房炒菜。丈夫在她旁边一直唠叨不停:“慢些、小心!火太大了。赶快把鱼翻过来、油放太多了!”妻子脱口而出:“我懂得怎样炒菜。”丈夫平静地答道:“我只是要让你知道，我在开车时，你在旁边喋喋不休，我的感觉如何……”

--学会体谅他人并不困难，只要你愿意认真地站在对方的角度和立场看问题。

6、一辆载满乘客的公共汽车沿着下坡路快速前进着，有一个人在后面紧紧追赶着这辆车子。一个乘客从车窗中伸出头来对追车子的人说:“老兄!算啦，你追不上的!”“我必须追上它，”这人气喘吁吁地说:“我是这辆车的司机!”

--有些人必须非常认真努力，因为不这样的话，后果就十分悲惨了!然而也正因为必须全力以赴，潜在的本能和不为人知的特质终将充分展现出来。

7、甲:“新搬来的邻居好可恶，昨天晚上三更半夜跑来猛按我家的门铃。”乙:“的确可恶!你有没有马上报警?”甲:“没有。我当他们是疯子，继续吹我的小喇叭。”

--事出必有因，如果能先看到自己的不是，答案就会不一样。

8、张三在山间小路开车，正当他悠哉地欣赏美丽风景时，突然迎面开来的货车司机摇下窗户大喊一声:“猪!”张三越想越气，也摇下车窗大骂:“你才是猪!”刚骂完，他便迎头撞上一群过马路的猪。

--不要错误地诠释别人的好意，那只会让自己吃亏，并且使别人受辱。

9、小男孩问爸爸:“是不是做父亲的总比做儿子的知道得多?”爸爸回答:“当然啦!”“电灯是谁发明的?”“爱迪生。”“那爱迪生的爸爸怎么没有发明电灯?”

--权威往往只是一个经不起考验的空壳子，尤其在现今这个多元开放的时代。

10、小明洗澡时不小心吞下一小块肥皂，他的妈妈慌慌张张地打电话给家庭医生求助。医生说:“我现在还有几个病人在，可能要半小时后才能赶过去。”小明妈妈说:“在你来之前，我该做什么?”医生说:“给小明喝一杯白开水，然后用力跳一跳，你就可以让小明用嘴巴吹泡泡消磨时间了。”

--事情既然已经发生了，何不坦然自在地面对。担心不如宽心，穷紧张不如穷开心。

I like to see American TV series so much, because not only the plot

attracts me so much, but also I can learn the English spoken language. Recently,

I fall in love with Two Broke Girls, it is so funny and makes me laugh happily.

Besides the humorous plot, I am also inspired by the characters’ spirit. Though

the two girls are poor and work as the waitress in the small restaurant, they

never give up their dreams. They make the plans for their dreams, even they meet

all kinds of difficulties, they are still positive about their future. I learn

things from them, I keep the positive attitude towards life.

A great and wise man once called one of his workmen to him saying, "Go into the far country and build for me a house. The decisions of planning and of actual construction will be yours, but remember, I shall come to accept your work for a very special friend of mine."

And so the workman departed with a light heart for his field of labor. Material of all kinds was plentiful here, but the workman had a mind of his own. "Surely," he thought, "I know my business. I can use a bit of inferior materials here and cheat on my workmanship a little there, and still make the finished work look good. Only I will know that what I have built has weaknesses."

And so, at last the work was completed and the workman reported back to the great and wise man. "Very good," he said. "Now remember that I wanted you to use only the finest materials and craftsmanship in this house because I wanted to make present of it——My friend, you are the one I had you build it for. It is all yours."

How much like man. He comes to earth a stranger. He has his free agency. He may build as he likes. But on the morning of his resurrection he will receive what he has built for an eternal home and habitation.

“Why need our care?’

“Because from then on the aunt cannot do what they liked to along with her daughter. She is very pitiful. In her distress, making dinners and doing chores are also becoming so difficult. My dear, can you help Mother hit an idea to help the aunt in other ways?”

At her mother’s proposal, the girl thought for a long while. All of a sudden, she went to the neighbor and knocked at the door.

The neighbor with a look of haggardness and tiredness opened the door.

“What can I do for you?” asked the neighbor.

“I heard my mother say you’re very distressed for losing your daughter…” The girl timidly handed the band-aid tightly held in her hand to the neighbor.

The neighbor suddenly choked with sobs, her tears gushing from her eyes. She hugged the girl and said, “Thank you. This band-aid will cure my wound.”

【中文翻译】

“妈妈，您在忙什么呢?”还不到6岁的女孩，好奇的问妈妈。

“给邻居家的阿姨做饭。”

“为什么?”

“前几天阿姨失去了心爱的女儿，现在很伤心。我们这几天要好好照顾她。”

“为什么需要我们照顾呢?”

“阿姨以后不能和她女儿一起做他们喜欢做的事了，很可怜。人在极度悲伤时，做饭和料理家务也会变得很难。女儿，你能不能也帮妈妈想想其他能帮助阿姨做的事呢?”

女孩听到妈妈的提议，认真的思考了很久，突然走到邻居家敲响了门。

一脸憔悴和疲惫的邻居开了门。

“有什么事吗?”邻居问道。

“听妈妈说，您因为失去了女儿，非常痛苦……”女孩羞涩的把攥在手里的创可贴递给了邻居。

“阿姨，把这个贴在胸口吧，那样你的心就不会痛了。”

邻居突然哽咽起来，泪水夺眶而出。她抱住女孩说：“谢谢，这个创可贴会治好我的伤口的。”

13岁那年，我失去了父亲。是母亲拼命为我撑起了一片少雨的天空，使我顺利地完成了大学学业。

我幸运地被一家大企业录用，待遇很丰厚，在那里工作不到两年，爱神突然降临。深爱我的不是别人，是该企业负责人的儿子。

他仪表堂堂，英俊潇洒，又是重点大学毕业的，各方面都很优秀，我沉浸在恋爱的幸福之中。相处不到半年，他就向我提出了结婚的要求。

我们的婚礼在本市一家最大的酒店里举行。那天，我和他站在酒店门前，迎来了那么多的亲朋好友。一时间，客人们的祝福、赞誉声像潮水般涌来，使我如入梦境，真有点飘飘然的感觉。

婚宴开始前，有一个小小的仪式，那就是新郎新娘向双方父母行礼。当主持人告诉我们婚礼即将开始的时候，我看到母亲坐在大厅一个最不显眼的角落，穿戴和平常一样，满头白发。

我心想母亲也不好好打扮一下，这毕竟是女儿的婚礼啊!我后悔自己太忙而没有嘱咐母亲。母亲看上去态度很拘谨，好像手足无措的样子。跟男友父母比，相差实在太远了。

让母亲上台丢人现眼?不!我看着主持人，突然灵机一动，我走过去对主持人悄悄说：“我妈身体不好，怕吵，就别让她上前台了吧!”

主持人点点头后，宣布婚礼正式开始了，我们踏着婚礼进行曲，缓缓地走上前台，主持人请新郎父母上台，并说：“请新人向父母行礼，感谢他们多年的养育之恩。”

“养育之恩”这四个字，使我的心猛地一颤，望着台下的母亲，我看到她正在抹眼泪。虽然我心里好像有什么东西堵着，可转念又想，我是她的整个世界。我的幸福快乐，就是她的幸福快乐，她此时流的泪水，应该是高兴的泪水吧。

婚礼过后几天，母亲就恋恋不舍地离开了我们，走时眼里一直含着泪花。

半年后，我去参加同事菊的婚宴。当主持人请新郎新娘父母上台时，我一下子怔住了：我看见一位母亲坐着轮椅被人推上前台。主持人介绍：“这位是新娘的母亲。”

快言快语的菊接过麦克风：“今天是我一生中最幸福的时刻，我要让母亲跟我一起分享幸福。母亲虽然不能像正常人那样走路，但她为我献出了全部的爱。在我的心目中，她永远是伟大的母亲!”顿时，大厅内的掌声掩盖了一切。

就在这一瞬间，我的心像被针扎似的疼痛，想起自己半年前的婚礼，想起在婚礼上流泪的母亲……比起菊，我羞愧得无地自容，此时，我才明白，一时的虚荣，是何等的悲哀!

曼德拉有一次在全非洲领导人参加的重要会议上演讲，因为年龄大了不小心把讲稿的页次弄乱了。这本来是一个很尴尬的事情，但是曼德拉却出口不凡：

他一边整理讲稿一边风趣地说：“你们要原谅一个老人把讲稿的页次弄乱，不过我知道在座的有一位总统，也曾经把讲稿弄乱，但是与我不同的是，他没有发现而是照样往下念。”

会场顿时响起经久不息的掌声，因为演讲中断而带来的尴尬也烟消云散。

到演讲结束的时候，曼德拉又来了一次幽默。他说：“感谢大会授予我卡马勋章，我现在退休在家，如果哪一天缺钱花了，我就拿到大街上去卖，我知道在座的有一个人一定会花大价钱买的，他就是我们的总统姆贝基。”

姆贝基和在座的所有的人都被曼德拉的幽默而感动，他们起立为曼德拉鼓掌，目送这位风趣的老人退场。