英语幽默故事比赛英语作文（推荐20篇）

有一天，萧伯纳应邀参加了一个丰盛的晚宴。席间有一青年在大文豪面前滔滔不绝地吹嘘自己的天才，好像自己天南海北样样通晓，大有不可一世的气概。

起初，萧伯纳缄口不言，洗耳恭听。后来，愈听愈觉得不是滋味。最后，他终于忍不住了，便开口说道：“年轻的朋友，只要我们两人联合起来，世界上的事情就无一不晓了。”

那人惊愕地说：“未必如此吧！”

萧伯纳说：“怎么不是，你是这样地精通世界万物，不过，尚有一点欠缺，就是不知夸夸其谈会使丰盛的佳肴也变得淡而无味，而我刚好明了这一点，咱俩合起来，岂不是无一不晓了吗？”

张勋生日，大学者辜鸿铭送给他一副对子，说：“荷尽已无擎雨盖，菊残犹有傲霜技。”

后来，辜鸿铭和胡适说这件事，说“擎雨盖”指的是清朝的大帽子，而“傲霜技”指的是他和张勋都留着的长辫子。

辜鸿铭既会讲英国文学，又鼓吹封建礼教。

他当北大教授时，有一天，他和两个美国女士讲解“妾”宇，说：“妾’字，即立女;男人疲倦时，手靠其女也。”

这两个美国女士一听，反驳道：“那女子疲倦时，为什么不可以将手靠男人呢”

辜鸿铭从容审辩：“你见过1个茶壶配4个茶杯，哪有 l个茶杯配4个茶壶呢，其理相同。”

A pair of flexible eyes, long under the crooked eyebrows, a high nose, a red mouth, showing two neat teeth, and a long hair and medium height. This is me, I have a characteristic, rectifies it.

Once, my uncle went to my home and bought a lot of things, including my favorite fruit, drink, summer bar... Wait for the fruit and snack. Mother knew that the uncle came to our house and went to the small shop to buy some things to entertain the guests. My mother and uncle talked happily. In the face of these delicious things, I secretly took them to eat, eat and eat when they didnt pay attention to them. I had eaten them, but I didnt think they had eaten a lot. Still have to be criticized by the mother, the uncles are not stop to help me, really humiliated. Ever since I learned that lesson, it will never happen again.

I have a lot of hobbies, such as badminton, chess, playing cards, Internet, chat... And so on is my hobby. I have a lot of talent, want to jump rubber band, once took fourth place, as well as writing, writing "Yiyanqianjin" won 2 prize.

Like my character, I like to love a lot of fun.

This is me.

I hope everyone likes me.

阿峰所在的公司新来了一位女同事李曼，有回阿峰路过李总的办公室，听到李曼喊李总“爸”，心想，难道她是李总的女儿？李总定是想把女儿放到基层锻炼，将来好接班。如果自己能把李总的女儿追到手，岂不就能走上人生巅峰了？于是，阿峰主动接近李曼，在工作上提供帮助。李曼也是一个热情开朗的人，两人很快成了朋友。

有次两人在聊天，阿峰正忙着逗李曼开心，李总过来了，脸色很不好看，还把阿峰叫进办公室，训道：“上班时间别瞎聊天，把心思都用在工作上，不要想些乱七八糟的，明白吗？”阿峰只得连连点头。

虽然被训了一顿，阿峰还是不死心，不尝试怎么知道不可能呢？这天，阿峰加班到很晚，公司只剩下他和李曼两个人。阿峰鼓起勇气，说：“李曼，等会儿我们一起去看电影，好吗？”李曼显得很吃惊，有些口吃地说：“不、不行。”

阿峰诚恳地说：“李曼，我是认真的，我能感觉到，你对我也有好感。给我一个机会，好吗？”

李曼搖摇头，说：“我想你误会了，我对你没有那个意思。”说完，她急匆匆地离开了。

阿峰有些沮丧，心想自己还是太心急了，他不愿意放弃，打算明天去给李曼道个歉，两人继续做朋友，等时机合适了再说。

没想到，第二天阿峰一到公司，就得知自己被辞退了。阿峰大吃一惊，想找李总要个说法，同事们拦住他，说：“想知道你为什么被辞退吗？”阿峰点点头。“勾引老总的儿媳妇。”同事们幸灾乐祸地说。

阿峰愣住了，李曼喊李总“爸”，那是喊自己的公公呢。

法国大文豪巴尔扎克(1799-1850年)年轻时一直没有结婚。33岁那年，他收到一封从乌克兰寄来的署名为“陌生人”的信，后来他打听到，此信出于伯爵夫人埃韦利娜·韩斯卡之手，从那时起，他们的恋情渐趋浓烈并延续了17年。尽管伯爵本人在1841年去世，韩斯卡夫人直到巴尔扎克离世前5个月才与他正式结婚。

不知是解释他选择生活方式的原因还是出于幽默，巴尔扎克曾说了这样一句妙语：“当一个情人要比做一个丈夫容易。正如整天卖弄机要比偶尔说一句应景的妙语困难得多。”

二（6）班廖婧瑶

今天，我们二年级段讲故事比赛太精彩了！

印象最深刻的是谢林果同学，她讲的《灯孩儿》的故事让我非常感动，最后灯孩儿为了小盲孩牺牲了自己，把光明带给小盲孩让他重见光明。但我相信灯孩儿下一年还会来的。

还有黄星皓同学，他讲的是《我的幸运一天》，讲得非常搞笑，尤其是里面的那只猪，超级可爱！好像从头到尾我都是咧着嘴听完他的故事，心情都变得轻松、开心！

我心里也跃跃欲试，好想上台表演，但是我不够勇敢，没准备好，我相信自己总有那么一天！

2019年5月6日星期一晴

放暑假了，我可丝毫没有放松自己的学习，报名参加了“湖北省第十二届青少年儿童英语比赛”。这个赛事对我可不陌生，在我上幼儿园时就参加过两届。虽然当时在幼儿组，我获得过一等奖的好成绩，但现在，我是小学生了，比赛的要求更高，增加了听力测试，我还能行我去参赛为此，我参加了短期赛前培训。

刚开始针对听力题，我就像丈二的和尚--摸不清头脑。我去参赛在老师的指导下，我带着问题去听、注意重点词汇，难关总算被我迈了过去。我去参赛朗读短文部分，通过老师的讲解，每堂课后，我都能将小短文熟记于心。我去参赛可是，我总也改不掉语速快，缺乏感情的坏毛病。我去参赛

小学组的比赛安排在烈日炎炎的下午。我去参赛在路上，树上的知了“吱吱”地叫着，仿佛在为我加油。考场外，选手们个个斗志昂扬，我是既紧张又兴奋。一进考场，迎面扑来的冷气令我头脑更加清醒。首先是听力测试，伴随着纯正的发音，和着同学们“沙沙”的答题声，构成了一首美妙的乐章。我去参赛口语测试时，我扬长避短，顺利地完成了我的考试。我去参赛

当我轻松地走出考场，真期待这周三的好消息。我去参赛

唐朝有个皇族的后裔叫李载仁，由于当时战争四起，所以百姓们都没有安定的日子过，为了逃避战乱，李载仁跑到江陵高季兴那里，做了个观察推官。他生性迂腐，行动缓慢，从不吃猪肉。

有一次，他将要去接受上司的召见，刚上马，家里的仆人打架了。李载仁大怒，叫人立即从厨房里拿来大饼和猪肉，让打架的人当着他的面吃下去，并且警告说：“以后如果胆敢再打架，一定要在猪肉里加上酥油来重重地惩罚你们!”

【大道理】：

不要因为自己不喜欢的事情，别人非常喜欢也说不定;

如果用别人喜欢的事情自己不喜欢的事情去惩罚别人，那是一种愚蠢的行为。

昨天我和小伙伴们举行了一场精彩的足球比赛。我们分成两队，每队11个人。比赛开始后，我们两个队都踢得很积极。只见球迅速地从一个人脚下传到另一个人脚下，真是一场精彩的比赛。最后，我们踢平了。我们彼此向对手表示祝贺，真正体现了“友谊第一，比赛第二”的体育精神。

yesterday my companions and i held a football game in the playground. we were divided into two groups, with eleven players on each side. when the game started, both of us played actively. i could only see the ball passed quickly from one to another. it was really a wonderful game. at last, the game ended in a draw. we congratulated each other. the game really embodied the sports slogan of "friendship first, competition second".

(一)屈原投江

(one) Qu Yuan River

为了纪念爱国诗人屈原，居民为了不让跳下汨罗江的屈原尸体被鱼虾吃掉，所以在江里投下许多用竹叶包裹的米食(粽子)，并且竞相划船(赛龙船)希望找到屈原的尸体。

To commemorate the patriotic poet Qu Yuan, residents in order not to let Qu Yuans Miluo River jumped by fish and shrimp to eat, so in the river for the rice wrapped in bamboo leaves with many (dumplings), and race (rowing Dragon Boat Race) to find Qu Yuans body.

(二)曹娥寻父尸

(two) case of seeking father.

东汉孝女曹娥，因曹父溺江而亡，年仅十四岁的她沿江豪哭，经十七日仍不见曹父尸首，乃在五月一日投江，五日后两尸合抱而浮起的感人事迹， 乡人群而祭之。

The Eastern Han Dynasty filial daughter Cao E, drowned himself in a river because Cao father died, only fourteen years old, she cried along the ho, after seventeen days still do not see Cao father body, but in May 1st the river, five days from two dead and floating deeds, people group and sacrifice.

(三)白蛇传

(three) the legend of white snake

传说白蛇白素贞，为了报答许仙的恩惠，与许仙结为夫妻的凄美的爱情故事，传说端午节当天白蛇喝了雄黄酒，差点现出蛇形，加上法海白蛇及水淹金山寺的情节，都是脍炙人口的民间戏曲的曲目。

The legend of white snake and Bai Suzhen, in order to repay the grace of Xu Xian, and Xu Xianjie married the beautiful love story, the legend of the White Snake Legend of the Dragon Boat Festival a male Yellow Wine, almost a snake, white snake and flooded with sea Jinshan Temple of the plot, is a folk opera music win universal praise.

(四)伍子胥的忌日

(four) the anniversary of the death of Wu Zixu

传说伍子胥助吴伐楚后，吴王阖闾逝世，皇子夫差继位，伐越大胜，越王句践请和，伍子胥主战，夫差不听，却听信奸臣言，赐伍子胥自杀，并于于五月五日将尸体投入江中，此后人们于端午节纪祀伍子胥。

Legend has it that Wu Zixu will Fachu Wu, Wu helv Prince died, his successor, the victory of the king, and Wu Zixu battle, the king, do not listen, but listen to a word, give Wu Zixu Dutch act, and on May 5th the bodies into the river, then people in the Dragon Boat Festival worship Wu Zixu ji.

有一次，卓别林带着一大笔现款走在路上。突然，从路旁草丛里跃出一个蒙面强盗。

强盗威胁着要卓别林交出钱款。卓别林答应了，并对他说：“请在我帽子上开两枪吧，我好回去向主人交代！”强盗“叭叭”两声，照他的话做了。“再在我的衣襟上开两枪吧！”卓别林又说。“叭叭”两声，强盗又照做了。“最后，请您再在我的裤腿上打两个洞，拜托了！”强盗一听，不耐烦地提起枪，又在裤腿上给了两枪。卓别林知道强盗的枪里再也没有子弹了，便一脚把他绊倒，飞也似地跑了。

One day, a colt carried a bag of wheat to the mill.

As he was running with the bag on his back, he came to a small river. Water went gurgling on. The colt could not decide whether he could cross it. Looking around, he saw a cow grazing nearby. He asked, "Uncle Cow, could you tell me if I can cross the river?" the cow told him that he could and that the river was not very deep, just to his knees.

The colt was crossing the river when a squirrel jumped down a tree and stopped him. The squirrel shouted, "Colt, stop! Youll be drowned! One of my friends was drowned yesterday just in the river." Not knowing what to do, the colt went home to consult his mom.

He told his mom his experience on the way. His mother said, "My child, dont always listen to others. Youd better go and try yourself. Then youll know what to do."

Just at the river, the squirrel stopped the colt again. "Little horse, its too dangerous!" "No, I want to have a try by myself", answered the colt. Then he crossed the river carefully. On the other side of the river, the colt realized that the river was neither as shallow as the cow said nor as as deep as the squirrel told him.

The fable tells us a truth: real knowledge comes from practices.

一天， 老马让小马驮着半口袋麦子到磨坊去磨面。

小马驮着口袋朝着磨坊跑去。忽然，一天小河挡住了去路，河水哗哗地流着。小马为难了，怎么办呢?它向四周望了望，看见一头老牛在河边吃草。小马问道：“牛伯伯，请您告诉我，这条河我能趟过去吗?”老牛说：“能。谁很浅，刚没小腿。”

小马听了老牛的话，正准备过河，突然丛树上跳下一只松鼠，拦住它大叫道：“小马，别过河!河水会把你淹死的。昨天，我的一个伙伴就是掉到这条河里淹死的!”小马不知如何是好，决定回家问妈妈。

小马把路上的经历告诉了妈妈。妈妈说：“孩子，光听别人说是不行的，你自己亲自去试一试，就知道答案了。”

小马回到河边，刚要下水，松鼠又大叫起来：“小马，你不要命啦?”小马说：“让我试试吧。”它一面回答一面下了河，小心地趟了过去。原来河水既不像老牛说的那样浅也不像松鼠说的那样深。

这则寓言告诉我们:实践出真知。

When we are chatting with our friends happily, suddenly if we are talking

about the awkward topic, we need to do something to change this situation, what

are we gonna do? The answer is using your humor to make things seem easy, and

then your friends won’t take your awkward topic seriously. Humor is very

important, it can adjust the atmosphere, making things work easily. Life needs

humor, without humor, life would be boring. Foreign people like to make friends

with humorous people, they can feel relax when they are chatting, while most

Chinese people are always taking things too seriously. I like to make friends

with humorous guys, they make me feel life is easy, and we should positive about

life.

Sam is a little fish. He lives in the sea. He is very lonely. He wants to have a friend. The friend looks like him. Sam sees an ink fish. The ink fish has eight legs. He doesn’t look like Sam. So Sam goes away.

Sam meets a shark. He wants to say hello to the shark. The shark opens his big mouth. Sam runs away quickly.

Sam is tired and hungry. He wants to have a rest. Then he sees a round fish. She says to him. “Hello! Would you like to be my friend?”

Sam answers: “Of course! But you are round. I am flat.” The round fish days: “But we are both fishes.”

Sam thinks and says, “You are right. Let’s be friends.” They become good friends.

从前，有个叫秦半贯的秀才，读书不求甚解，识字只认半边，写文章狗屁不通，读了几年补习，乡试屡考不中。他一贯不务正业，靠吹牛皮拍马，也算在乡里混得不错。而每见同乡学子应试归来，高官厚禄，封妻荫子，衣锦还乡，却不免有时乖运蹇，怀才不遇之感。碰巧这年县府里发榜招聘官员，新任县官求才若渴，亲自坐堂招贤。

轮到秦半贯上场，县官叫侍从带上。秦半贯上得堂前，磕头三下道：“不才半贯叩见父母恩官!小人愿爬到大人脚下，舔高足踩过的芳泥!”县官见其奴性十足，心头十分不悦，但还是想考考他的真才实学：“本官出题考你，好歹定夺。题目是《读书之人何以修身》。”秦半贯四书五经读不通，修身不晓得在哪本经，他抓耳挠腮，急得心直跳，汗直流，结结巴巴地说：“大人，修者长也，身者身体也。要身体修长就要当官，要当官就要有诀窍，上要有背景，中间有靠山，下有垫脚之人……”县官听罢，勃然大怒：“大马屁精，胡言乱语，到底做不做得出!”秦半贯慌忙答道：“大人，此题实在太难，一时做不出来，求再出一道，若写不出，情愿领罪!”县官忍俊道：“好吧，本官饶你一次，再出一个……”说话间，忽放一屁，半贯闻之大喜，马上以《放屁》为题，即兴高声朗诵：“伏惟大宗师高耸金臀，洪宣宝屁，远听依稀乎丝竹之音，余音绕梁，三日不绝;近听轰轰然金钟齐鸣，山鸣谷应，振聋发聩。仿佛春花之瑞气，兰麝之飘香，小人立于下风，不觉陶然而醉……”县官听罢，哈哈大笑。

秦半贯以为县官看中他的文章，正高兴间，忽听得县官正色道：“好个半贯秀才!正经文章不会做，放屁的文章偏做得好!本县封你一个看粪官!”说罢忙唤左右，将秦半贯押在衙门东街万人粪坑边，让他每天领略些“春花兰麝之香气”。

Recently, I was moved by a warming news. A boy from America was loved by a

lot of soldiers. The boys father was a policeman and he was sent to a foreign

country to carry the mission. Unluckily, he got shot and died. The world was sad

for him. This man left his wife and a small boy forever. The lucky thing for the

little boy was that his fathers colleagues decided to protect and love this boy

until he grew up. Love has been continued from this story. For most people, they

are lucky to be loved by parents and friends. While for few people, who have

gone through some disasters, they got care from the public. So no matter what

kind of difficulty we will face, we cant give up hope, because there is always

someone love us.

A man of the state of Zheng wanted to buy a pair of shoes.

从前，郑国有个人想买双鞋。

He measured his foot and put the measurement on a chair.

他量好了自己脚的尺码，把它放在了椅子上。

When he set out for the market,he forgot to bring it along.

可当他赶往市集时，却忘了带量好的尺码。

It was after he had found the pair he wanted that this occurred to him.

他要买鞋时，才想了起来。

"I forgot the measurement", said he.

他说：“我忘带尺码了。”

He went home to get it. But when he returned, the market had closed and he did not get his shoes after all.

他回家去取量好的尺码。等他赶回来时，市集已经关了，他还是没能买到鞋。

"Why didnt you try on the shoes with your feet?" He was asked.

有人问：“为什么不用你自己的脚去试一试鞋子呢?”

"Id rather trust the measurement than trust myself."

他说：“我宁愿相信尺码也不相信我自己的脚。”

外地的表妹和表妹夫小马来我家做客，准备晚饭时，表妹俯在我耳边说：“姐，小马是个大胃王，你晚饭可要多准备点儿!”我一听连连点头。

吃饭时，我发现表妹所言非虚，小马竟然一口气吞了两大盘饺子，之后又毫不含糊地啃了两个鸡腿和八个鸡爪子，喝了两瓶啤酒。看他吃完饭进了卧室，我担心地对表妹说：“这么吃会不会撑坏肚子啊，晚上他要是胃不舒服了，你就来找我拿消化药!”

晚上十一点多，正在书房上网的我果然听见客厅有动静，开门一看，表妹和小马竟然都起来了。看着小马一脸尴尬地摸着肚子，我马上明白了是怎么回事儿，急忙转身奔向厨房说：“我这就去拿水和消化药，不行咱们上医院!”谁知表妹一把拉住我说：“姐，不用找消化药!”我指了一下小马着急地说：“不找消化药怎么行啊，没看他都难受得团团转了!”没想到表妹不好意思地说：“姐，其实小马是饿得团团转了，他晚饭没有吃饱，想问你家有没有方便面!”

Last week, my parents told me the good news that my family would go camping

with my uncle’s family. I felt so excited about it, because I could spend the

whole night outside, which never happened before. When the day came, we brought

the equipment and bought some food. In the afternoon, the two families settled

down, then we started to walked around. My cousins and I rushed to the forest

and went to the highest point, where we can appreciate the whole sight. Standing

on the highest place, I felt so great. The world was in front of my eyes and I

thought of the old poets’ description. At night, we set the the fire and talked

happily. The parents were talking about the family chores and the kids were

playing games. It was such a happy moment for me.

雄鹰

A boy found an eagles egg and he put it in the nest of a prairie chicken. The eagle hatched and thought he was a chicken. He grew up doing what prairie chicken do-scratching at the dirt for food and flying short distances with a noisy fluttering of wings. It was a dreary life. Gradually the eagle grew older and bitter. One day he and his prairie chicken friend saw a beautiful bird soaring on the currents of air, high above the mountains.

"Oh, I wish I could fly like that!" said the eagle. The chicken replied, "Dont give it another thought. Thats the mighty eagle, the king of all birds-you could never be like him!" And the eagle didnt give it another thought. He went on cackling and complaining about life. He died thinking he was a prairie chicken. My friends, you too were born an eagle. The Creator intended you to be an eagle, so don’t listen to the prairie chickens!

一个小男孩发现了一只老鹰下的蛋，把它放进了一只山鸡的窝里。鹰被孵出来了，但他以为自己是一只山鸡。渐渐的他长大了，却做着山鸡所做的事---从泥土里寻找食物，做短距离的飞翔，翅膀还啪啪作响。生活非常沉闷，渐渐地鹰长大了，也越来越苦恼。有一天，他和他的山鸡朋友看见一只美丽的鸟在天空翱翔，飞的比山还高。

“哦，我要能飞的那么高该多好啊！”鹰说。山鸡回答说，“不要想了，那是凶猛无比的鹰，鸟中之王---你不可能像他一样！”于是鹰放弃了那个念头。他继续咯咯地叫，不停的抱怨生活。最后他死了，依然认为自己是一只山鸡。朋友们，你们天生就是雄鹰。造物主有意把你造就成一只雄鹰，所以不要听信山鸡的话！

有一个叫陶邱的人住在平原郡，他娶了渤海郡墨台氏的女儿做妻子。这位女子不但容貌十分美丽，而且很有才华，为人温 柔贤慧，亲戚邻居没有不羡慕的。陶邱也感到心满意足，一家人过得十分幸福。

一年后，他们养了个儿子，家中更是充满了乐趣。一天，妻子对丈夫说：

“自从嫁到你家，这一年多我从没回过一次娘家，我很是想念母亲和娘家的人，我们是不是择个日子，回一趟娘家，顺便也把孩子带给他们瞧瞧？”

丈夫想了想，说：“也是，应该去见见岳母。”

于是一家三口人选了个日子，雇了车马一路上风尘仆仆到了渤海郡。到了墨台氏妻子家里，娘家人见了女儿、女婿和小外孙，都非常高兴，杀鸡宰羊招待。岳母丁氏已是70多岁的老妇人，自然行动迟缓，步履蹒跚，满脸皱纹交 错，说话也不灵巧了。岳母上前见过女婿便回房休息去了。

几天后，陶邱带着妻子和儿子回家。一回到家就把妻子休了。

妻子感到十分诧异，便问丈夫：

“不知我有什么过错，夫君要休我回家。”

丈夫陶邱说：

“前几天到你家去，见了你母亲真叫我伤心，她年龄老了，满脸老气横秋，德行礼节都不讲了，已不能与过去相比。我担心你老了以后也会变成这副模样，倒不如现在就把你休了。再也没有别的原因了。”

妻子听了，哭笑不得。后来，亲戚和邻居知道了这件事，都骂陶邱愚蠢至极。

这位丈夫实在是庸人自扰，为担心遥远的将来而放弃现实中的美好，这不是太愚蠢了吗？幽默励志寓言故事【9】

湍急的江水中，隐隐约约见到闪光发亮的夜明珠。有两个胆大的人，都想取得这颗珠子。虽然他们都有出色的潜水功夫，但他们潜入水中之后，却再也没有露出水面。

这两个人冒险入水的目的是大不一样的。一个这样打算：“我把夜明珠捞上来，送到博物馆，供大伙观赏，多美！”另一个这样筹谋：“得了夜明珠，卖个大价钱，别墅，小车都有了，嘿嘿，真是妙不可言。”

如今，他们全都被无情的江 水所吞没，让流水冲入了水底龙宫。老龙王对这两位不请自来的人说道：“你们的由来我一清二楚，你们为夜明珠付出了生命，我必须作出郑重的安排。俊俏的年轻人，我不能将夜明珠给你。”

“为什么？”一心想将珠子献给博物馆的人颇为吃惊。

“因为，我要把你送入天堂。而天堂里，夜明珠之类的奇珍异宝，多得数也数不清，你到那儿尽情欣赏去吧。”

“相貌丑陋的年轻人，”龙王停了停又唤道，“这颗夜明珠，就交 给你了。”

“大王英明，大王英明！”另一个人叩头如捣蒜，高声叫道。

“地狱里为了一颗这样的珠子，总争得头破血流，九死一生，”老龙王平静地说，“我就让你带上这颗珠子直奔地狱之门！”