笑死人的一封信三篇 作文英语(合集20篇)

Dear David，

I am afraid that you will think me unpardonably negligent in not having

answered your letter dated 7, December sooner, but when I have told you the

reason, I trust you will be convinced that the neglect was excusable. When your

letter arrived, I was just in Hong Kong. As my family could not forward it to me

during my absence, it has been, therefore, lying on my desk until the moment

when I took it up. Now the first thing I have to hasten to do is to write to you

these few lines to express my deep regret.

I enjoyed many pleasant sights during my trip. I shall be pleased to give

you an account to of them when I see you next.

Sincerely yours,

Tom

Dear Sarah,

I am terribly sorry to tell you that I am unable to attend your birthday

part next Thursday evening. That is owing to the fact that my younger brother

suddenly fell ill and was taken to a hospital this morning. I have to go there

immediately and take care of him. As told by the doctor in charge, it will take

around five days for him to recover and I have asked my boss for a leave.

I really regret that I cannot go to celebrate your birthday personally and

would miss the perfect chance of enjoying myself with all our old friends. I

have chosen a small gift for you and will send it to you tomorrow to show my

best wishes. Besides, please give my regards to our friends when you meet them

at the party.

Cordially,

Li Ming

Dear Sirs,

In reply to your advertisement in on Qinnan Daily of May 6, I respectfully offer my services for the position of secretary.

I am twenty years old and going to graduate from vocational school. I am a business management major. Besides, Ive learned English for more than eight years and I am familiar with computer operation. In the last three years, Ive been one of the editors of our student newspaper, which makes me experienced in writing and editing. I do well in my study and my scores are outstanding in my class. From above-mention, I am sure that I will be qualified for secretary.

I welcome the opportunity to meet with you to further discuss my qualifications and your needs. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Zhang Hong

Dear Mr. Hanks:

I am writing to apply for the Client Account Coordinator, which was advertised May 4th with the Career Services Center at Florida State University. I have enclosed a copy of my resume for your review. I believe that I have the training, experience and qualities that you are looking for.

According to the advertisement, your position requires excellent communication skills, computer literacy, and a B.S. degree in Finance. My studies have included courses in computer science, management information systems, speech communications, and business writing. I understand the position also requires a candidate who is team and detail-oriented, works well under pressure, and is able to deal with people in departments throughout the firm. These are skills I developed both in my course work and in my recent internship at Liberty Mutual, Inc. in Orlando, Florida.

Your job description suggests that our relationship could be mutually beneficial. I am confident that I can perform the job effectively, and I am excited about the idea of working for a dynamic, nationally recognized investment management firm.

I look forward to discussing my background and qualifications with you. If you would like to schedule an interview or other discussions about my interest in the position, I can be reached at (218) 365-3333.

Sincerely,

Tom Sherman

Dear Mr. Smith,

As a graduate student of Zhejiang university, I already studied four years in this university, including four years studying Chemistry Department. I also worked six months in Lafarge Roofing Systems China as a project assistant. The CEO appreciated my analytic and synthesis skills. He gave me his confidence to represent Lafarge and prospect the Zhejiang Development Zones to find the best location to build a new factory.

I have an intermediate level in English (speaking and writing).I am gaining proficiency as a good negotiator in my daily and working life.Now that all my classes are finished, I am back in China in order to stay here at least a few years.

I am available as soon as required, and I will be glad to give you more details about my experiences, my motivation, and my skills. I thank you in advance for your interest.

Yours faithfully,

Lihua

Dear Manager

I got to know the message that the position of the salesman in your company is empty, which made me excited about it, for that, I want it for a long time.

Please let me tell the reasons why I am so excited. Its so famous that it is hardly unknown to everyone. As known, in your company, the products are in a good qualification and the sales service is satisfied, which made me believe that your company would be a perfect stage for me.

Of course, the requirements for this position are high, but I think I am good enough for it. In the last four years, I worked very hard on my study and had a good understanding of professional knowledge. Besides, I took every chance to practice. I attended several activities and took up an internship is an organization. As a result, I developed great practical skills. And, I get CET-6 certification and choose the sales lessons. I think they would be helpful to be your staff.

I am looking forward to your reply.

Dear Sir,

I am a graduate in 2012, graduating from Southwestern University of Finance and Economics. I was noticed your company is looking for a CFO and I am writing to candidate for this position. I was major in financial management in college and minor in Business. I studied very hard in school and I was perfect in my courses. I ranked top three in my college. Moreover, I took part-time jobs in summer holidays and I had an internship in a company before, which brought me great practical experience. I know your company aims to internationalization and I am sure what I learned in school would help me to be qualified to this position. The following is my resume in details that will help you to know me better. I’m looking forward to your positive reply. And Best wishes for you and your company.

Sincerely yours,

Christ

Dear Mr. John:

How are things going with you in Beijing?

I am writing to show my thanks to you. You tutored me in my spoken English

before you went to Beijing. With your help I made such rapid progress that I won

the first place in the Spoken English Competition of the city. My achievement is

owed to your help. Thank you very much.

I have heard that you and your wife will pay a visit to my school. I am

very glad at the news. In that case we can see each other again. I am looking

forward to your coming. I am sending you a telescope as a small gift. I hope you

will like it.

All the best.

Yours,

Liu Jie

Dear friends:

Today I returned to my home. It is so nice to be back. Id like to take this

opportunity to express my heartfelt and sincere thanks for the comfort and

encouragement you gave me during my stay in hospital.

Thanks to the horrible accident, I have begun to treasure what I have now.

It was your love that got me through the tough period. Your cards, flowers and

smiling faces were like a warm fire in the dark freezing winter nights, which

will always spur me on and give me strength.

Once more I would like to say “thank you” to you all.

Yours,

Li Min

Dear Mom and Dad:

I love you! I love you with all my heart! This letter to you is to tell you

my true feelings from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you so much for bringing me up! Thank you so much for raising me. I

know how hard you’ve worked during the past years. I can imagine how many

difficulties and obstacles you’ve conquered. I can imagine all the problems you

have faced and all the sweat and tears you have shed to make my life better. I

can fully understand what a huge responsibility it is to raise a child. You’ve

been very patient with me. You’ve encouraged me and you’ve helped me. You’ve

tried your hardest to give me the best things in life. You’ve made a lot of

sacrifices and many difficult choices. I also know that you have great

expectations of me. You want me to be very successful and happy. You want me to

be the best person I can be. You want me to do great things with my life. You

want me to make the world a better place. I know you have so many hopes and

dreams for my future.

Today I want to tell you something extremely important.Today I want to tell

you that you don’t need to worry about me anymore. I’m grown up! I will be

responsible for my life and for my future. I will study very hard. I will

exercise every day to keep fit. I will read English every morning and every

night. I will make the best use of every spare minute. I will be happy,

confident, positive and energetic every day! I will develop good habits and use

them to constantly improve myself. I will never do anything that would harm my

body or my mind.

Yours,

Hong

Dear laura:

I was truly eaptured beyond expression to receive your flowers which turned

our living room into a garden. How considerate and wonderful of you to remember

my birthday. You just couldnt have selected anything i had have liked more! You

have a positive genius for selecting the right gift! The four years i spent with

you at the college have been the pleasantest period in my life. I will cherish

this memory forever. how nice it would be to see you again.

More than kind, and i wont ever forget it. my love and deepest gratitude,

now and always!

sincerely yours,

Jane

Dear Lucy,

I am writing to express my sincere thanks for your beautiful flowers. I?

like you to know how much your flowers meant to me. You have a positive genius

for selecting the right gift. I not only enjoyed your flowers, but also the

delicate vase. I shall ever remember this gift as one of the most precious

things in my life.

I will not be very busy the following days. I hope to have the opportunity

of reciprocating. Would you kindly let me know what time you are at

convenience?

I will feel very happy if you have time to make me a call. How nice it

would be to see you again and I am looking forward to seeing you next time!

I repeat my thanks again for your lovely flowers. Please give my kind

regards to your family.

Yours truly,

Huck

Dear brother，

I am writing to express my heartfelt gratitude for thecontinuous assistance

you offered to me these years.

On the one hand, your generous help made it possible that I can gain a

splendid academic achievement in my study career. It is because of your

encouragement that now I can study in one of the leading universities of our

country, and serve as chairman of Student Union. On the other hand, with your

help,Icould get along well with my friends and have good cooperation with other

members during work.I will always remember your kindness and painstaking

labor.Besides, It is really an honor for me to be your sister and I will cherish

the goodwill you showed to me wherever I go.

In a word, my appreciation to you is beyond words. In the years to come, I

will make more effort to repay your kindness and refresh our family

affection.

Yours sincerely,

Li Hua

Dear my father and mother,

This letter is my inner feelings. I want to thank both of you for so many

years’ care and help.

During my growth, you have made a lot of efforts and love for me. When I

make a success, both of you are more excited than me, and support me to do

better. Even though I have failed, you always share sorrow with me and encourage

me not to give up. Especially, during my preparation for CET-4, the support from

you is always everywhere. I have passed the exam successfully.

You love is so unselfish that I am deeply affected, so I will study hard to

be a useful person and won’t make you disappointed. Anyway, I would like to

express the deep gratitude to you.

With best wishes.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

Dear Laura,

I was truly enraptured beyond expression to receive your flowers which

turned our living room into a garden. How considerate and wonderful of you to

remember my birthday. You just couldnt have selected anything I had have liked

more! You have a positive genius for selecting the right gift!

The four years I spent with you at the college have been the pleasantest

period in my life. I will cherish this memory forever. How nice it would be to

see you again.

You have been more than kind, and I wont ever forget it. My love and

deepest gratitude, now and always!

Sincerely yours,

Jane

Dear Mary，

I would like to take this opportunity to express my heartfelt gratitude to

you for your help when I was in difficulty。 You have been very kind and helpful

since we knew each other。

Last week， I caught a bad cold and had to stay at home for a week。 When I

was worrying about the lessons， you came to my home after school and helped me

with every subject。 With your help， I didn’t fall behind others。

Again， thanks so much for your enthusiastic help。 Even though you are to

about to go abroad for further education I know that I will always stay in touch

with you。 I wish you every success in the future and I hope we can exchange more

viewpoints on study。

Please keep in touch， and drop in and visit us whenever you are in this

part of the world。

Very sincerely

Peter

Dear staff，

I am writing to show my sincere gratitude for all of you. Now that I am

home and on my own again I feel extremely happy. During the time I lived at the

Rehabilitation center and was under your tender care, I promised myself I would

write a letter of thanks as soon as I was able.

Abundant thanks to each one of you for your patience, expertise and genuine

concern. It was you who helped me believe in myself and gave me assurance that I

could walk again. I would never forget each word you said to me and the things

you have done to me. Forgive me for the times I lashed out at you in frustration

and thank you for understanding and remaining firm with me.

Never stop your beautiful way of working with people. Your help really

means a lot to me and anyone who in trouble as well.

Affectionately,

Wang Fang

西门庆写给《水浒传》作者施耐庵的一封信(笑死人了)

施耐庵：

你好!

在网上读完你的怨毒之作《水浒传》之后，我就委托黑白道上的兄弟以及私家侦探社四处打探作者出处，费尽千辛万苦，终于找到了你。倒不是咱效率不高，而是因为你的名气太小太小，区区一个乡村穷教师也敢出来乱冒杂音，可见继续加大对舆论和出版业的管理多么有必要。给你三分颜色，你就想开染坊了?

《水浒传》中，用了三回共数万字写我。说我是手狠心辣的泼皮烂仔。这一点我的律师已准备对你提出关于名誉权的起诉，想我西门大官人，上通朝廷，下通匪盗，上管天，下管地，中间还要管空气，岂能成泼皮牛二一类的角色?可恶!

关于我与莲妹的姻缘，被你写得一塌糊涂，什么“王婆贪贿说风情”，什么“交颈鸳鸯戏水”，试想，一个成功男人背后，有几个美丽的女人算个屁事，你也敢拿来卖钱。你穷得过不去了可以来找我，我高兴了兴许还能给你几万块，比你那一千字几十元的稿费强多了，省得你将我与莲妹哀婉凄绝的爱情描写成奸夫淫妇偷情。我们为爱情作出的牺牲，你敢说比梁山伯与祝英台、焦仲卿与刘兰芝、罗密欧与朱丽叶少么?你的思想也太僵化保守了。另外，你在书中几次三番提到我们床上的那事，我已委托我的律师对你侵犯我钧隐私权提出了第二次起诉。

另外，你偏居乡野书斋，偏听传闻，闹出诸如徒手打狗寻找打虎感觉之类的笑话，表现在我这里，则是不作实地勘察，信口开河，想当然行事，以至于满书尽见硬伤，信手拈来即是：譬如在王婆婆楼上，郓哥叫来武大郎捉奸，我冲出门时，明明是用左脚踢了武大一脚，却被你写成了右脚;另外，更令人不可忍受的是，明明是那武大不经打，却被你写成我太凶恶。想我西门大官人一生也踢过无数的老弱病残，没哪一个像武大那么要死要活的!还有，我和金莲杀武大郎明明用的是氰化钾，而你却要硬写成砒霜。我送给何九的四十两银子被你写成了二十两，还有二十两被你吃了回扣么?对这些失实之处，我已委托我的律师对你提出第三轮起诉，你就等着瞧吧。

另外，我巳组织了兰陵笑笑生为首的写作班子，加紧写併人西门於〉，并以最快的速度买书号出书。并出钱请大导演把它搞成电影电视剧广播剧，以消除你那本坏书的影响，并组织三百个评论家，买下六百个报纸版面，将你彻底批垮批烂批臭。之后，再到有关部门，告你个煽动谋反的罪名，将你逮捕法办，将出书的责任编辑充军到埃塞俄比亚，将出你书的那帮出版社砸得比狗屎还烂。看谁那么不晓事，敢与我西门庆为敌。

当然，这一切都需要时间。在此之前，你最好别乱说乱动，不要狗急跳墙上蹿下跳，更不要去找武松，否则，民事诉讼变成刑事诉讼，可就怪不了我咧!

笑死人的一封信3

唐僧、八戒、沙僧、悟空的对比致悟空下岗

由于经费原因，西天取经委员会决定精简取经团成员， 为了加强精简工作的透明度，现将取经团各成员基本情况 公布如下：

一、体貌特征：

唐僧：眉清目秀，唇红齿白，温文儒雅。

八戒：鼻直口阔，方面大耳，相貌和善。

沙僧：浓眉大眼，卷发虬髯，虎背熊腰。

悟空：尖嘴猴腮，驼背，故意把头发染成黄色。

二、性格特征：

唐僧：性格温和，通情达理。

八戒：老实憨厚，不喜欢惹是生非，尊重领导。

沙僧：勤劳朴实，性格内向，尊重领导。

悟空：蛮横霸道，经常欺负弱小，喜欢恐吓别人，连_都不尊重。

三、工作态度：

唐僧：负责思想工作，一路对徒弟尽心教导。

八戒：负责喂马，从没让白龙马饿着。

沙僧：负责行李，能做到行李不离肩，未曾遗失任何重要物品及文件。

悟空：没有固定工作，经常擅离职守，一路惹是生非，扰乱不少神仙菩萨的正常工作。

四、学历：

唐僧：大唐佛学院毕业，在校期间成绩优异，被皇帝亲派出国。

八戒：天庭军事学院毕业，工作数年后曾任天蓬元帅。

沙僧：天庭军事学院毕业，工作数年后曾任卷帘大将。

悟空：跟一民间艺人学艺，没有统一承认的学历证书。

五、社会关系：

唐僧：乃大唐皇帝御弟;指导老师乃观世音菩萨，并被其推荐出国深造。

八戒：任元帅时曾结交不少权贵，并同玉帝红人嫦娥有关系。

沙僧：曾任卷帘大将，为玉帝服务深得赏识。

悟空：殴打过阎王，欺负过龙王，得罪过玉帝，同混混牛魔王结拜，与黑社会关系微妙。

以上取经团各成员情况一目了然，评比结果显而易见。本着公平、公正、公开的原则，西天取经委员会经过慎重研究，现在正式决定：取消孙悟空西天取经资格，即日起下岗。

《唐僧、八戒、沙僧、悟空的对比致悟空下岗

唐僧取经后笑死人的总结报告

在我佛如来的精心策划下，在观音菩萨的具体指导下，在各路神仙的积极配合下，以贫僧为中心的师徒四人历时一十四年，行程十万八千里，经历九九八十一难，终于取得了我佛大乘真经，圆满地完成了这次取经任务。在这次取经的过程中，我们时刻牢记自己的职责，分工合作，涌现出大量好人好事和可歌可泣的动人故事。我们之所以能取得真经，主要是在途中做到了以下几个方面：

1.思想上高度重视。自从和唐王一别，我就在思想上非常重视这次任务，当初只身一人，就先后经历了强盗、野兽、天气恶劣等困难，其中滋味是不可言喻的，但我在思想上却从未放弃。因为只有取得了真经才可以拯救苍生，只有取得了真经才可以成佛。

2.加速转变的过程。接到取经的任务，我就开始了从一个“当一天和尚撞一天钟”的小僧到一个取经人的转变。不但自己转变，也要让徒弟们、妖魔鬼怪转变。大徒弟孙行者，生性刁蛮，出身荒山野岭，不识大体，有前科，曾大闹天宫，使玉帝不得安宁，要使他转变是十分困难的。我救他于五指山下，给他念我佛的经文，让他认识到错误的严重性，经过我的耐心说服教育和每天三十遍紧箍咒之后，就服服帖帖地留在了我的身边，并成为我的得力助手。二徒弟猪八戒，曾为天蓬元帅，有作风问题，因调戏嫦娥被贬下界，我在高老庄收他为徒，给他讲空即是色、色即是空的道理，使他有了很大转变，后来听说在途中有一些言语冲动的过激行为，也是他六根未净、外界影响太深所致，都是背着我干的，我并不知情。三徒弟沙悟净，本是天上卷帘大将，被贬流沙河，心中充满怨气，看在他把前边取经人都吃掉的份上收他为徒，使他从吃取经人的妖怪转变成一个取经人，也给他讲别和领导过不去的道理，加速他的转变。

3.行动上具体体现。抱着未成佛要先有佛心的态度，在任何时候、任何情况下都以佛的行为来约束自己。我们杀死的妖怪其实只是冰山一角，更多的妖魔在我的一番苦口婆心的劝说下将我送回。我主要给他们讲道理，使他们明是非、知罪过(具体事例太多，从略)。只有那些顽固不化或者是有背景的还一时执迷不悟，但结果那些执迷不悟的已被我所於除，有背景的均已遣返给原主人。声明一点，我不曾动他们半根毫毛。

4.奖惩分明。没有严格的纪律就不会有内部的团结,奖惩不分明就不能服众，取经路上该奖的就奖，该罚的就一定要罚!奖的时候可以让多吃点、多喝点、少值个夜班。罚的时候决不能心慈手软，在三打白骨精时，取消了孙悟空的取经资格。只因他平时太居功，有越姐代庖之嫌。

5.不为金钱、权力、女色所动。在取经的路上所受到的钱、权、色的诱惑具体事例太多，不胜枚举。一共拒金银十五万八千六百五十四两七钱，拒权七十六次，拒女色一百四十四人次。那些都是过眼云烟，不是我所需要之物，虽然说在取经的路上没有金钱是万万不能的，可我仍坚持靠化来的斋饭度日。后来又听说有人以我的名义擅自收受财物，可都是在我不知道的情况下进行的。如果让我发现是谁，我会从严处理。

以上是我在取经途中的几个方面，不能代表全部。我的成绩远远不止这一点。

顺便说一点，在贫僧的指挥下，徒弟们也配合了几次小的行动。

总结人：唐三藏

猪八戒的分手搞笑情书

玉兰：

你好!

昨天，一个全世界伤心的日子，我终于走了。我要和另外两个老光棍，一个叫孙悟空，一个叫唐僧的，一起到西天出差，可能三五年才能回来。

你能想象我离开高老庄时的心情吗?我是三步一回猪头呀。我是多么希望在高老庄呆下来，和你过幸福生活。我耕田来你织布，我挑粪来你炒股。和和美美，恩恩爱爱。等你爸爸两腿一伸直，我们就齐心协力，生一大群猪崽=>然后再齐心协力，送他们读书，将来培养成猪百万、猪博士，多有成就感。等我们老得只剩一颗门牙的时候，我们就不会因为虚度年华而悔恨，也不会因为碌碌无为而羞耻，我们就敢拍着肥膘说，我们全部的生命和所有的精力，都已经献给了猪类最壮丽的事业，为猪类的传宗接代而斗争。

可惜，这一切美好的梦幻都被那个该死的猴子捅破了。把你抢走不说，还把我的洞也给烧光了。我辛辛苦苦那么些年，省吃检用，一餐只敢干掉三百来个馒头，好不容易买台雪花点牌二十一寸彩电，还有一台推土机牌电风扇，都被死猴子献爱心捐献给了重灾区——阎王地府。尽管彩电经常是满屏的雪花点，电风扇经常发出推土机般的吼叫，那也都是汗堆出来的呀。死猴子，要不是打不过他，我一定把他宰了，剁成好多块，在太阳下晒干。猴干没吃过吧，总有一天我会让你尝尝的。

还有那个该死的和尚，去西天取什么鸟经。我建议他采用门到门邮寄，或者门到港空运。他偏偏不听，非要自己去自己却又胆小，非要叫一大帮人去。另外，还有恐飞机症、恐火车症、恐轮船症……除了骑一匹重同性恋倾向的骤子马，他是见什么恐什么。这种怪胎也有，国家应该赶紧出钱圈养，并设立保护基金呀。再说了，经书取回来有什么用呀，纯属摆在书房当门面，让人搞不清他农民企业家的身份。我太了解这种人了。你说不去吧，赶上上级如来是个老糊涂，观音又恰好到更年期，惹恼了我容易下岗，没办法，有困难要去，没有困难创造困难也要去。

玉兰，真舍不得你呀，俗话说，一日夫妻百日恩，我们夫妻两年，尽管你老握着把锋利的剪刀，我一根手指头都没碰过你，我们也没有拿到民政部门发的床上驾驶执照，但我们毕竟一起生活了两年，想起我们生活在一起的点点滴滴，我就心如刀绞(这是一个成语，兰兰，我怕你不明白，所以要解释一下，就是把心捧在手里，用剪刀剪来剪去的意思，我查了好多字典才查到)。我知道你心里也很难受，可是，有什么办法呢?古人云：两情若是长久时，又岂在早晨和晚上(老祖宗说话有点黄，请娘子勿怪)，玉兰，你一定要等我回来，而且我也一定会组织还乡团杀回来的。这一点请兰妹一定要有信心。

祝兰妹和兰花一样亭亭玉立!

猪哥八戒泪书

饭统十三年庚子